Unlearning Attachment as Ownership

So many of us were taught to equate love with possession. We learned that wanting someone meant needing to claim them, that closeness justified control, that attachment meant entitlement to their time, availability and energy.

This wasn’t our fault. These ideas are woven into our cultural narratives, reinforced through childhood dynamics, religion, movies and even therapy. Dominant culture encourages us to conflate attachment with ownership—especially in romantic and familial relationships.

But the truth is: love that controls is not love. It’s a coping strategy. Often, it emerges from fear—fear of abandonment, fear of losing stability, fear of not being enough.